As lifelong dancer Bryan assured me: They're real, and they're spectacular. |
Bryan Hawn
You could give that ass a wedgie in long johns. |
Hawn should be a jerk. With a body like that and with a propensity to tease with it as he does in his many hot 'n' hilarious video parodies, this guy has definitely earned his share of mastur-haters (guys who probably whack off to him, but despise him for making them want to).
I personally did not assume that Hawn was a nice guy. I've been on him (not literally, or I could sell my computer because I'd never use it) since 2013, when I interviewed him about his rising profile, and while he came off well in that piece, I couldn't have guessed anything about his actual demeanor.
But when I sat down with him for a sushi pig-out recently I found him to be even nicer than he is sexy, which is a lot-lot. He makes his living flaunting his impossible ass to hit tunes, but he's no ass himself. As I've written recently, he comes across in person as shy, thoughtful, analytical and productive. In a world filled with sexy bodies, he's carved out a one-man niche for making money off of his in a way that makes people smile. Hawn is the first person to admit that his output—while technically on-point—is ridiculous. That's the goal; he's a master of escapism.
His good side |
The attention he generates is helping him move his books, too.
Some of my favorite Hawn joints from his YouTube channel: Justin Bieber's “Sorry,” Justin Bieber's “Love Yourself,” Justin Bieber's “I'll Show You”—okay, he does a lot of Bieber!—Nick Jonas's “Avalanche,” Selena Gomez's “Good for You” (this one is revelatory), hisbromance parody and of course his most famous: Miley Cyrus's “Wrecking Ball.”
P.S. For a glimpse into the non-sexy side of Hawn, you gotta watch the above video of him surprising his former pet—Jake the hyena—at the preserve where he eventually had to leave the animal. Seeing how this animal reacts to seeing Hawn may be uncomfortably familiar—don't you do this when he drops a new parody? (Help support Jake's home here.)
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