Just like this has been a month of experimentation, it has also been a month of ups and downs.
Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
This month has been a month of experimentation and self-discovery. That being said, it's also been a month of extreme highs and extreme lows, as I break my dependence on using porn to fap.
Surely no one can forget the day I rediscovered my nipple, or the day I rediscovered my prostate via buttplug, and had one of the strongest orgasms I've ever had. At the same time, surely you can't forget the first week, where I was never really sure what I was doing.
This weekend felt like I hit both a high point, and a low point at the same time.
Both sessions I had over the weekend were great. Throats were fucked and sinuses were cleared - all by my bepis! Not only that, but I was hard the whole time, so major win.
By now, I know my nipples are my trigger point. Every time I came, they were played with in some way - either tugged on, bitten, or licked just right (and that's the one...after that I came in about 10 seconds flat). But my brain was still trying to rely on those porn GIFs from earlier in the month. The same ones came back, and new ones popped up. I also thought "it's gonna be great to watch porn again. There's a light at the end of the tunnel!"
Not only that, but at some point, I thought "I wonder what it feels like to fuck Lisa Ann".
She's got the perfect V, but...what? Maybe that's a sign that my imagination is working again.
Just like with last month's detox diet, some parts were easy, but some were surprisingly hard. Alcohol was easier than I thought it would be to give up, while cheese was surprisingly hard!
It's like the opening scene of "Blackbird" where the main character, played by Julian Walker, has a dream about another boy who goes to the church his parents pastor. After the dream, he wakes up and prays because he wants to be good in the eyes of the LORD.
I just want to be good in the eyes of the masturbatory Lord.
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