Olympians are often treated like superheroes. After all, they seem to have super human strength, speed and beauty. So, we at VH1 wanted to subject our favorite athletes of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi to the same criteria that we put Superman under last summer. The Olympics might award rankings for speed, technical difficulty and artistic merit. However, we’re focusing our attentions on the Olympic crotches.
What does America speed skater Shani Davis have in common with Swiss cross country skiing gold medalist Dario Cologna? Or with German luge gold medalists Tobias Arit and Tobias Wendl? Well, yes, they all have the honor of competing at the 2014 Winter Olympics. That’s true. But they all also wear some very tight spandex pants for their events. We’re not complaining. In fact, we’re celebrating.
So, when it comes down to who has the best Olympic crotches in the world, who wins? Germany might be leading in the medal count, but do German athletes fill their spandex better than the Americans? What about the Swiss? The Norwegians? And never count out the Russians. The host country has a lot to be proud of during these Olympics. Not only have they already scooped two gold medals in ice skating, but let’s just say their male athletes are very healthy.
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Olympian: Ski Jumper Taku Takeuchi of Japan
Representing The Crotch Known As: Aerodynamic Crotch
Olympic-Crotch Analysis: There's no doubt that Takeuchi is a world class ski jumper, but he's also in a class by himself in the smooth crotch department. Hey, we get it. You've got to eliminate any drag.
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