We’re well past the halfway point of our brief stay in the Hotel Cortez but we’ve only just begun meeting some of the oldest inhabitants. This newest episode introduces some old guests with dark histories. But will be they be checking out soon or extending their stay?
Here’s the best and worst of American Horror Story: Hotel Episode 7!
This Gaga Look
C’mon blonde Morticia Addams! C’mon neck corset! C’mon bleached eyebrows contrasting sharply with a slinky black dress!
I was ready to pop off over how annoying and gimmicky this silent-era flashback was, but instead I was quickly charmed by this cute nod to Nosferatu. Alright, Murphy, you got me here.
Wait But Also This Gaga Look
C’mon big hair! C’mon black leather gloves! C’mon glass-shattering vampire strength!
Wait But Also Gaga In General
I’m no Gaga stan — not by a long shot. But we got a pretty Mother Monster heavy episode and G-girl held her own the entire time despite low expectations. Ultimately, Gagz has been a pleasant surprise the entire season. Good for her!
Wait But Seriously Dem Brows
They’re insane and horrible and perfect in every way.
Wait, More Monsters?
OK we got Drilldo, Vampires, Vampire Children, Vampire Schoolchildren (different from the other vampire children), bed zombies, serial killers, ghosts, and ghost serial killers. And now we have these things? Enough! No more plot devices! Start resolving the ones you’ve got!
Minor Character Murder
But how will they ever draw tenuous connections between the seasons without this bitchy realtor?
Yo, can we chill with the silly accents for a second?
Three Way Tango
Just throw an ominous dance sequence in there! That’ll really scare ’em. IS ANYONE EVEN TRYING ANYMORE?
What The Hell Was This?
You know, for all the grossly expository dialogue this show puts us through, I’m not entirely sure what is actually going on here. Is this girl a delusion of Copface’s twisted psyche or a doppelgänger of his daughter or one of Gaga’s vampire babies or all of the above? I understand the ambiguity is intentional, but it’s way more confusing than interesting. And what was that twist at the last second?