What is a fetish?
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, a fetish is “a need or desire for an object, body part, or activity for sexual excitement.”
How normal is it to have a fetish?
According to Jake Myers, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, fetishes are a totally natural part of being human.
“Fetishes, while often seeming strange to many of us, are most often harmless,” Myers tells Queerty. “In fact, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) does not include them as a disorder unless they cause significant distress, in which case they are classified as a paraphilia.”
Myers continues: “Research is still being done about fetishes and what causes them, and while results are still confusing and inconclusive, many theorize that they are the result of an early ‘imprinting’ in the brain, where sexual stimulation was somehow merged with a particular image, act, body part, or idea in while the brain was in development phases.”
“From a therapy perspective, I think it is important to remove the stigma that many fetishes often have,” Myers continues. “It’s not ‘perverted’ to be attracted to a particular thing or idea (while some things are weirder than others!), as long as it’s harmless. In fact, often where the worse damage can occur is from repression of that desire and the shame that one can carry around because of that.”
Here’s what five different guys had to say about their fetishes…
24
Location
New York
Sexual orientation
Gay
Fetish
Armpits
A.K.A. maschalagnia
I’d been curious about armpits since I was in middle school. I was still figuring out my sexuality and sometimes seeing or smelling a guy’s armpit in the locker room really aroused me. Throughout high school I lusted after pits from afar, and kept it very much to myself. Then I was hooking up with a guy in college and he just started licking my pits, which I took as an invitation to return the favor.There is something about armpits that I find particularly masculine–something to do with the hair, the sweat, the smell, or a combination of all these things. I also have a bit of a submissive streak, and licking and smelling a guy’s pits has undertones of submission (at least to me). I love burying my face in a guy’s armpits, inhaling his scent, and licking and tasting them. It feels somewhat primal, and there’s something about the dirtiness of it–that it’s not supposed to be a desirable thing–that makes it hot as well. To a certain extent, the sweatier and stinkier the better.
Alex
Age
37
Location
Los Angeles
Sexual orientation
Bisexual
Fetish
Flip flops
A.K.A. retifism
I am from Brazil and everybody there wears Havaianas flip-flops. Those are the only ones that I have a fetish for. I remember playing checkers with a friend in my bedroom when I was 10 or 11. We decided that the loser had to pull his pants down and the winner would smack his ass with his Havaianas. I would always try to lose because I used to get erections from getting smacked. Maybe it stems from that.Just looking at a guy wearing Havaianas turns me on. I like guys to wear them when we have intercourse. I also like them to smack my ass with them. I am not sure why, but I think it might have to do with the submissiveness of it that excites me.Very few times has someone called me a freak because my fetish. Usually guys who go along with it also want for me to perform their fetishes. Once I met a guy that was totally into socks and made me wear them the entire time we hooked up. He even picked out the socks for me, I guess, to make sure I met his fetish expectations.
Gustavo
Age
26
Location
New York
Sexual orientation
Gay
Fetish
Dentistry
A.K.A. odontophilia
There’s just something about watching a hot guy in dental scrubs put on a tight pair of gloves. I love watching him snap them on and then hearing them being taken off. I usually watch YouTube videos of guys “gloving” instead of porn.When I go to the dentist, I love sitting in the chair and waiting for him to get his needle and numb me up. I don’t know why. There’s just something about watching him with the syringe that I really, really like.It is not easy finding guys who are in to my fantasy. It’s very specific and some would say “extreme,” and it’s almost impossible to find dentists in New York to go along with it. I used to live in Dallas and found it easier there. Mainly now all my play has come from Craigslist. I’ve found a couple on Recon and FetLife, but mainly I have to use Craigslist.
Michael
Age
29
Location
Los Angeles
Sexual orientation
Gay
Fetish
Water sports
A.K.A. urolagnia
I’ve been into water sports for about six years. I think seeing it done in porn planted the seed for my fetish. My first actual experience with it was after I replied to a Craigslist ad of someone looking for a “recipient” partner in a NSA anonymous setting. I replied, exchanged the usual details as one does when responding to a Craigslist post of this nature, then had him over.I really enjoy the submissive aspect of water sports. My favorite scene to do water sports is in a group setting. I’ve found that when it’s 1-on-1, the water sports part only lasts a couple of minutes at the most. When there’s a group setting, there are more people so the play lasts longer. I’ve found several sex parties that host water sports events. I’ve also found some bars in Europe that have tubs in their backroom sections. The crowds at these places are usually into pig play/fetishes which makes it easier to find like-minded people to play with.This isn’t something I’ve shared with any of my friends. As for lovers, I’ve found it difficult to bring it up with guys I date/have stronger emotions towards. I find it frustrating how difficult exploring and enjoying fetishes can be when sex culture is kept “hush hush” and underground. It’s really refreshing when you meet people who have similar tastes in fetishes.
Bill
Age
49
Location
New Jersey
Sexual orientation
Gay
Fetish
Playing dead
a.k.a. tier 1 necrophilia
My interest in death goes back for as long as I can remember. Definitely back to childhood. I can remember pretending to “kill” my friends in some sort of play mode. I was, like, 10 years old. It was definitely not sexual at that point. I also remember having a fascination with pictures of dead people, too.I didn’t come out until I was 24. Once I became sexually active, it wasn’t long before I started acting out my fetish. Probably 25 to 26 years old. I prefer men pretending to play dead over pictures of real dead people. I like to undress the “corpse” and feel them and move them around and manipulate them. It’s about having complete and utter control over someone.I spent years in therapy and doing self-help to try and understand all of this, and really drove myself crazy for a while. Here is the outcome I’ve come up with after 35 years of self-analyzation: All this is is a sexual desire. It does not define me, own me, run my life. It’s just a fetish and there is nothing wrong with it.
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