From: The Backlot
Welcome to Your Week in Beefcake, our shameless roundup of what was hot and buff on TV. We’re taking a prurient tour of the past week with a look at which shows had a special on six packs.
Things started off on Sunday with the debut of The Normal Heart on HBO. As a portrayal of the terrifying early days of the AIDS crisis, the movie was a depressing tale. However, to properly set up the audience for those emotional lows, the film had to capture the carefree times that came right before the crisis. That started with a poolside party on Fire Island
These were the carefree pre-AIDS days, where the biggest problem facing the characters was trying to convince Ned Weeks‘ (Mark Ruffalo) to shave his chest
The festiveness continued with Jonathan Groff looking beautiful strutting his stuff on the beach:
Sadly things start to go badly when Groff’s character collapses on the beach.
As the health crisis deepens, there’s a ray of light in that Ned’s efforts to sound the alarm brings him to New York Times columnist Felix Turner (Matt Bomer). Thirty minutes into the film, Ned and Felix have their first date, though Felix reminds him that it wasn’t they previously met at a bathouse
Felix turns out to be the one guy who can break through Ned’s emotional walls, giving them one scene of basking in the afterglow before the movie descends into tragedy.
Moving on to less traumatic fare, Monday brought a new season of American Ninja Warrior, a show where ridiculously fit guys run a fiendish obstacle course. Sometimes they take their shirt off before they start the course, sometimes they wait until after they’ve finished.
This year introduced the Spinning Wheel which, helpfully, encourages the taller guys to stick their butt out to the camera.
The memorable new Ninja Warrior from the Venice qualifying rounds was Ben Melick who plays Tarzan in a stage show. Melick ran the course in a loincloth and took breaks to beat on his chest, Tarzan-style
ANW-fave Kyle Cochran took a moment to lower his shorts so viewers could get a better look at his tattoo
Dorian Cedars only appeared in a montage, but American Ninja Warrior did make sure to show the part when he takes off his shorts and tosses them to the audience.
There was also a grudge match between Alan Connealy and James McGrath, two guys who were both given the nickname “The Beast”. There can be only one.
Monday, saw the debut of Petals on the Wind, the sequel to Flowers in the Attic, based on the camp classic novel by V.C. Andrews. The movie had Survivor alum Wyatt Nash taking over the role of Christopher. Nash had one fleeting moment of shirtlessness
Will Kemp played Cathy‘s abusive husband Julian. Before we get to Julian’s shirtless scene, we need to talk about Julian’s tights
Thirty minutes into the movie, Kemp had an actual shirtless scene.
Finally, Dylan Bruce returned as Bart. While Flowers in the Attic didn’t make much use of Bruce, just before the movie’s climax, we got a scene that had offered a double treat. Not only did it have Bruce wearing just a towel, Heather Graham got to deliver one of the movie’s best moment’s of crazy as Corrine started issuing threats in the midst of giving Bart a handjob:
The one thing The Bachelorette is good for is for a reliable stream of buff, good-looking (but incredibly boring) suitors. This week, the guys did a striptease routine for charity (and attention).
Meanwhile, Syfy aired a marathon of Defiance, which was a reminder of how the show did not let star Grant Bowler‘s time at the gym go to waste
Tuesday brought the debut of The Night Shift, a hospital drama focused on a renegade bad boy (Eion Macken) doctor who doesn’t follow the rules. The only thing saving that cliche is that he doesn’t care about where people expect him to wear a shirt.
Before American Ninja Warrior became summer TV’s most aggressive delivery system for muscle, power and grace, So You Think You Can Dance owned that title. The series returned with an audition show that re-introduced Marcquet Hill, who was previously rejected for being too young. This time, he delivered the heavage:
It also featured a shirtless audition from Rudy Abreu, who, inexplicably liked to focus on a scar he got during some childhood surgery. Bless him.
The night’s final featured audition came from the Fame Crew, who expressed regret that their previous appearance on SYTYCD left viewers remembering them primarily as strippers. Instead of showing their full audition performance, SYTYCD focused on what happened after Nigel Lythgoe suggested that they give judge Mary Murphy and guest-judge Jenna Elfman a lap dance.
Mathew Lawrence made a return appearance to Melissa & Joey. Even though he was called to photograph his brother’s wedding, he still managed to get his signals mixed up and thought it was appropriate to greet Mel this way
Miss Manners probably wouldn’t approve of meeting your future sister-in-law this way.
In soap opera news, Days of Our Lives had Eric Martsolf spend Tuesday and Wednesday on the couch shirtless.
It kept us from skipping Theresa‘s scenes.
Meanwhile, U.S. viewers watching Hollyoaks on Hulu got a lot of Ziggy Roscoe (Fabrizio Santino). After discovering that Marlena McQueen was facing finanical difficulties, that somehow let to a Marlena guilt Ziggy into doing some shirtless oven repair, which required careful supervision. For reasons.
On Wednesday, Marlena decided Ziggy should be a model and she would be his agent
However, by Thursday, she was talking him into working a webcam for “bored housewives”
That’s it for this week. What did we miss? Be sure to let us know in the comments!