On May 3, 2014, my dear friends at Headmaster Magazine will be celebrating the release of Headmaster No. 6 with the second annual Pawtucky Derby in (duh) Pawtucky, RI. It’s killing me that I won’t be able to make it to party with all the sexy gentlemen and participate in the promised (!!!!) pony ride dance-off contest, but I highly recommend that you attend in my place (while I fly to a wedding in South Carolina and try to avoid sucking off anyone with a southern accent).
For those of you who didn’t understand a single word of that last paragraph, I should mention that Headmaster is, in their own words, a “biannual print magazine for the sophisticated man-lover who appreciates smart writing and thought-provoking art”. Traditionally, their parties are full of people I would make out with or maybe give handjobs to in a public bathroom.
If you don’t live anywhere near Rhode Island, you can celebrate the release of Headmaster No. 6 by being awesome and buying the damn issue. If you happen to be in New York, there’s another event on May 8th that you should attend. If you hate sexy people, intelligent art and other generally great things, then you should stop reading this and go look at a butthole or something.
Okay! I’ve said all I need to say for now. More buttholes, coming soon.
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