11.
The dark side of the dunk tank.
Despite a deep bench of young beauties, including both significant early-’80s Heathers (Locklear and Thomas), Marc Singer (flawless in a Speedo, incidentally) selects Brenda Vaccaro, slumming at the time on short-lived prime-time soap Paper Dolls. Brenda was in her early 40s at the time, therefore invisible to Howard Cosell, who gives her this unforgettable honorific: “BRENDA VACCARO: A REMARKABLE WOMAN.” After much effort and obvious panic, she takes her seat in the tank, remaining clothed head to toe, sneakers and all. “It’s like Let’s Make a Deal,” she screams. (It is? In what way?) The spectating Network Stars (James B. Sikking! Michael J. Fox! Kim Fields!) react in exactly the way the campers do to Catskills comic Alan Shemper at the end of Wet Hot American Summer. After her inevitable dunking, she emerges from the tank flustered and short of breath, panting a simple request to the assembled crowd: “I’d like to just rest for a minute. Anybody got a martini?” Like spectators at this outdoor event would just have a martini. “Oh, sure, I’m glad you asked. I have a spare martini right here in my bag.” What are you even talking about, you remarkable woman? (I give this whole sequence bonus points for using Huey Lewis and the News’s “If This Is It” in the instant replay.)
Fun fact: I used to live a few doors down from Marc Singer, on one of those narrow, winding Hollywood Hills streets where the residents drive much too fast. Each morning, he and his golden retriever would go for a run, and despite the numerous sniff-worthy distractions and the oblivious drivers, he trusted the dog to stay at his side. No leash. And the dog did. Marc Singer is the actual Beastmaster, is what I’m saying. - Dave Holmes
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