Bad postcards of the week:

 Welcome to Michigan, where our roads have never really been all that good

From:  The Grand Rapids Press

 So, apparently Michigan roads have always been bad.

I know this after picking up two glorious postcards at the Grand Rapids Book and Paper Show at Calvin College. There was a a dealer with several bins of 50-cent cards. I think other attendees were a little worried as I cackled with glee as my pile of purchases grew higher.

Amazingly, there wasn't just one card featuring the highway “Welcome to Michigan” signs. I found two!

The first shows some nice dark asphalt – right up until the Michigan sign, where it looks like splotchy concrete. Even the dirt on the shoulder is different!

Both signs read “Welcome to Michigan, water wonderland. Let’s go fishing.”

Now let’s look at the backs. The first reads: “Welcome to the Wolverine State” and lists some basic stats and facts.

The second card raises some questions. “Michigan – Water Wonderland. Fine highways and friendly people welcome you to the Michigan Water Wonderland. Clear blue water, soft sand and lots of sunshine become the vacationist.”

Let’s break this down.

“Fine highways.” Snort.

“Friendly people.” My brother had a t-shirt with a drawing of a flaming skull that read “Welcome to Flint, where the weak are killed and eaten.” That’s simply untrue. We lived there for more than nine years, and never once saw anyone eaten. Then again, we never could figure out what was used in coney dog sauce.

“Clear blue water and soft sand.” We've seen a lot of water in Grand Rapids this week. It was pretty brown and definitely not clear – and that’s probably a good thing. We’re not touching it for a long time.

“Lots of sunshine beckon the vacationist.” Sunshine? What is this sunshine of which they speak? I have faint memories of sunshine. This should say “Occasional moments of sunshine.”

Of course, it could be worse. These “Welcome to Michigan” signs miss some opportunities to enlighten and inform interstate travelers.

For example, signs on US 23 and I-75 should say: “You've just left Ohio. It’s OK to drive faster again.”

Or, on I-94: “You've just left Indiana. You survived Gary. Wow. We know. You can stop holding your breath.”

Or, on US 45 and 41: “You've left Wisconsin. It's unkind to compare football teams."

Help me, readers. What would the signs say at the Canadian border?