DEAR BUTT

By David Mills
Franklin from London writes…

24 April 2013

Dear BUTT,

I hit it off with a gorgeous and inspiring guy, however, we live in different countries. We meet up about every three months and it’s great, but impossible to judge how well we’d actually get on in a relationship.

He has no plans of moving to London, but I am interested in job prospects where he’s based. I’m not interested in living together or even seeing each other on a daily basis — it’s primarily about furthering my career.

I feel awkward speaking with him about the possibility of moving there, even if it would only be for six weeks initially. I can’t help but feel like it’s a wee bit stalkerish.

Am I being stalkerish?

Help!

Franklin

24 April 2013

Dear Franklin,

Two words: proximity kills. Let’s take a moment to praise distance — long and short.

Absence is the key to any successful relationship. It’s only when he’s on the other side of the planet (or even across town) that you remember what you like about him. You’d be surprised at how quickly the sex dries up when you share the same bathroom. Keep this in mind when you’re in the same city for six weeks because of course you should go.

Does that make you a stalker? Not at all… It’s your big chance to live in another country, sweetheart. Go for it!

But keep some distance… Get out. Be the new girl in town for a change. Maybe even find someone else to shag on the side, which is guaranteed to make you miss him — and make him a little bit jealous because, let’s face it, make-up sex is always the best sex.

Just remember, you’re no mail-order bride. The sooner he gets that, the sweeter it’ll be for the both of you.

Bon voyage!

David