Bad postcard of the week:

Crime and punishment on Mackinac Island
From:  The Grand Rapids Press

The Mackinac Bridge as seen from Mackinaw City -- and its parking lots

Let this week’s postcard serve as a warning to all the people headed over the Mackinac Bridge this holiday weekend. The authorities there don’t take rule-breaking lightly.

Titled “Straits of Mackinac Bridge,” the postcard shows us the Mighty Mac somewhere way off in the distance and a bit of the straits. I think we get more parking lot than water, which is a problem, unless they are calling the card “Parking lot near the Straits of the Mackinac Bridge.”

But look more closely at the bottom. We see, completely unexplained, some hooligan or misbehaving tourist locked in stocks.

Not only is he being punished by being locked up and hunched over, but he’s forced to face away from the majestic bridge and stunning views.

What, possibly, could he have done to deserve such merciless treatment?
Let’s speculate.

Perhaps he was the school group chaperon who allowed the kids on the bus to sing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” all the way from Saginaw to Gaylord, then yelled “One more time!”

Maybe he kept pronouncing Mackinac “MACK-in-ACK” instead of “MACK-in-AW.”

Maybe he steadfastly refused to step foot in a single Mackinaw City t-shirt shop.

Maybe he became the one-millionth teasing father to jokingly compare the omnipresent fudge to the omnipresent “pony surprises” filling the Mackinac Island streets. (People don’t like this, trust me.)

Maybe he approached the bridge toll booth and asked the attendant if he could break a $50, then backed up traffic as he asked for directions to The Mystery Spot.

Maybe he was one of those guys who thinks he can take up two parking spaces, hence being forced to stare at the parking lot and at the faces of all of those whom he has wronged.

Let’s see if the postcard back reveals any clues.

“Straits of Mackinac Bridge. Joining Michigan’s Peninsulas. Viewed from Fort Michilimackinac at Mackinaw City looking toward St. Ignace, the northern terminal of the bridge.”

OK, so it might be some kind of display connected to the Fort. Would be nice if they told us, but I’m not taking any chances next time I’m heading north. I’ll hit every t-shirt shop – that’s usually where they sell the postcards – but make no promises on the fudge jokes.

The folks here in the Bad Postcard Department wish you safe travels this holiday weekend, and pause to remember the brave men and women who protect our country and our freedoms. They are heroes.