Bad postcard of the week:

Pony peril in the wilds of Maryland

From:  The Grand Rapids Press

This week’s bad postcard is a cautionary tale about the dangers of wild ponies.

I came across this wonderfully awful postcard at last week’s show. As always, there is a mystery.

Is this a friendly equine giving directions to a lost motorist? Is this a wandering hippie pony hitching across the country in search of adventure and a car with lots of leg room? Or is this a mean pony clumsily attempting a carjacking without the benefit of opposable thumbs?

Stumped, I flipped the card over to read this: 

“Greetings from Assateague Island, MD. About 200 wild ponies live on the island. Due to numerous people feeding the wild ponies, they have become dangerous and demanding if food is exposed. Feeding the wild ponies is prohibited.”

Dangerous and demanding ponies? Sounds like an episode of “My Little Pony – Friendship is Magic” gone wrong. That’s the new, edgy version, with Rainbow Dash. You don’t want to upset that pony.

And what’s with exposed food? Did drivers in the 1960s leave oats and sugar cubes in the passenger seat? “Just give him the carrots, Wilbur. We don’t want any trouble.”

Wait, did that say Maryland? Wild ponies are the kind of thing you expect to hear about in some rectangle-shaped state out West, not somewhere best known as the place you drive through on your way to Washington -- after stopping in Breezewood, of course.

I had to know more.

Luckily, the National Park Service has a whole webpage of useful information.

“The ‘wild’ horses on Assateague are actually feral animals, meaning that they are descendants of domestic animals that have reverted to a wild state. Horses tough enough to survive the scorching heat, abundant mosquitoes, stormy weather and poor quality food found on this remote, windswept barrier island have formed a unique wild horse society. Enjoy their beauty from a distance, and you can help make sure these extraordinary wild horses will continue to thrive on Assateague Island.”

A unique wild horse society? That sounds like the politically correct way of saying “gangs.” But there’s more:

“Local folklore describes the Assateague horses as survivors of a shipwreck off the Virginia coast. While this dramatic tale of struggle and survival is popular, there are no records yet that confirm it. The most plausible explanation is that they are the descendants of horses that were brought to barrier islands like Assateague in the late 17th century by mainland owners to avoid fencing laws and taxation of livestock.”

Well, that explains why they’re so angry.

“The horses are split into two main herds, one on the Virginia side and one on the Maryland side of Assateague. They are separated by a fence at the Virginia/Maryland state line. These herds have divided themselves into bands of two to 12 animals and each band occupies a home range.”

Let’s review. There are rival gangs of thug ponies of questionable origin roaming free around Maryland shaking down unsuspecting tourists for apples and maybe crab cakes.

It sounds safer at Tulip Time.

Reader contribution

While Maryland tells its animals to rough it, we in Grand Rapids go out of our way to make it their lives just a little easier.

Reader Karen Dunnam offered this recent postcard of the Fish Ladder.

“This one's not tacky 1960s, but it's still bad,” she wrote. She’s so right.

The Sixth Street Dam makes it hard for unique societies of wild steelhead, salmon and carp to make their migration to Lansing, no doubt stopping at Portland for gas and snacks like everyone else. So the stair step pools make it easier.

The Department of Natural Resources website tells us that carp “are very vigorous jumpers that provide spectacular entertainment.”

Sadly, our ghost town genre postcard shows us no leaping salmon, entertained tourists or even fishermen – which must have been tough, because those guys are out there all the time. But we do get poured concrete. Lots of poured concrete.