This pup writes this post with a heavy heart, but is with the spirit of moving forward that this pup writes it.
I have often said before on this blog that complacency the place where relationships wither and struggle. This is true for D/s relationships. This is true of all relationships. Unfortunately, this is not something that I’m immune from and it is something that even I struggle with,
I think it’s rare that people seek out to hurt the people who love them, but so often it can happen without intending to do so. It’s because we love that we make ourselves vulnerable to be hurt. Over the last few weeks there have been a number instances where I have hurt my Master through my own selfishness, careless and callousness.
I am ashamed of myself and so very sorry.
I am more proud than I care to admit, and part of it is refusing to acknowledge that my actions can have the negative impacts on those around me. My thinking can be binary - I can either be all alright, or I internalize that I am broken. Moving forward I need to get better at recognizing my flaws as they are: not character defining, but important faults to recognize and stay on top of.
This pup craves to be his very best for his Master. He deserves the best that I have to give, and the best me I can be. Giving him ultimate power over my mind, my body, my heart, my activities, my choices. Everything.
I need it. I crave it. I yearn to make him proud, to grow bigger for him, to earn his brands and his ink, his name. I need to be his perfect pup. A huge part of that is growing into a pup that is worthy of trust.
No hiding anything. No secrets. An open book.
Thank you for writing this and being so open about it, pup.
This is just a little bump in our relationship. I love you very much and we’re going to keep pushing to be better.
Next steps? Mind your protocol, think of your Master first, and recognize I’m a little sensitive right now. This has been a hard week. :( -- Noodles and Beef
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