THE TEN PORN STARS AT HUSTLABALL I’M MOST LIKELY TO EMBARRASS MYSELF IN FRONT OF

 "If you’re going to be in New York this Sunday, you should head to Slake (251 W 30th St) for Hustlaball. I’ll be there, which means nothing to you, but also several dozen of your favorite porn stars will be on hand for ogling opportunities. The DJs are top-notch, there’s some going some live performances—“performances”—and basically you should just expect to be fully erect for the duration of this party.

I’m notoriously bad at recognizing famous people, even famous porn people, when I see them in person, no matter how many hours I spend watching them in action. I picked the ten I’m most excited to see, even though I’ll surely fuck everything up by either forgetting who they are or else awkwardly begging them to make me their cum slut."

- Lawrence

10. BOOMER BANKS

 When I talked to Boomer Banks this summer, he was really congenial and sweet, and odds are that in person, if he so much as smiles at me I will start swooning.

9. SETH FORNEA

 I’m not as instantly attracted to redheads as the rest of the world seems to be, and I die a little every time I hear a non-British person use the word ginger. (Seriously. Stop it.) But I am partial to big arms, round asses, and scruffy faces. He’ll be there with his real-life boyfriend Jared Bradford LeBlanc, whose work I’m a little less familiar with, but who seems rather handsome in his own right.

8. JP RICHARDS

 My phone conversation with JP Richards went really well, but in person I suspect I’d just mumble hummina hummina a lot while staring at his crotch and hoping he got the hint.

7. TYLER WOLF

 Tyler Wolf makes really good faces when he’s bottoming. Have you seen the Raging Stallion scene with Ty Roderick? Pay no attention to the wardrobe and just watch him get slammed. You see what I’m getting at here.

6. MARCUS ISAACS

 If there is one thing I like in this world more than any other thing, it’s copious amounts of leg hair. (Pizza is a distant second.) All of Marcus Isaacs is glorious to behold, and, like Dewitt, I’d happily spend a day burying my face in his armpits and slapping my dick across his face. But holy mother of God, do I love those calves. I’m not sure why he’s only #6 on this list, now that I think about it.

5. BRAVO DELTA:

 I’ve actually met Bravo Delta in person. He is both fun and fun sized. I was really proud of myself for having a whole conversation with him without awkwardly offering to suck his cock. Will it happen a second time? Probably not, no. The Vine videos where he’s shoving his hard dick in my throat—or, okay, in front of the camera—are too much.

4. DJ SCOOTER:

 Okay, he’s not actually a porn star, I don’t think, but Scooter is very, very easy on the eyes. He runs the Cub Camp party in Toronto that I’m still kicking myself for missing when I was there. And you know how we at Manhunt Daily feel about Canadians… Well, most Canadians.

3. NUBIUS:

 Nubius is 6’3”, which on the porn star height scale means he’s a giant. It also means I can look him in the eyes. (Besides Jesse Jackman and Colby Keller there aren’t too many porn stars I can say that about.) Of course, I don’t think I could look Nubius in the eyes without immediately dropping to the ground and asking him to stick his giant dick in me. Which, you know, I’m sure he gets a lot. (Pause while I imagine him in line at the grocery store and everybody around him just keeps dropping on all fours in unison.)

2. ADAM RUSSO

 Okay, if you follow my posts here at all, you know about my love for balding middle-aged Italian-Americans in general and about Adam Russo in particular. Will the real deal live up to all of my expectations? Unless he face-fucks me in the men’s room, then probably not. But a man can dream.

1. TOMMY DEFENDI:

 The main reason I wrote this post! I actually met him briefly at The Hookies two years ago, and I totally had to ask him what his name was, even though he’s got a really remarkable face, and I’ve unleashed I don’t know how many loads jerking off to videos of him fucking anybody and everybody.

Plenty of other hot guys—both the professionals and otherwise—will at Hustlaball, and you should be, too, if you’re in New York. (If you’re not in New York but want to be, the club is right by Penn Station. You have no excuse.) I’ll have a full report next week.