9.
The Canyons
I’m sure this emergency has already been brought to your attention, but mediocre straight people think they know what camp is. It’s 2013, after all. They deserve their shot. But dear world: A movie is not campy and a must-see because it features a down-and-out actress and a porn star. In order for a movie to be ironically entertaining, it has to be going for something. It has to have the desire to entertain. It has to have delirium or gusto or a character actress or something. The Canyons, the much-ballyhooed comeback project of Lindsay Lohan, was a myopic and charmless LA story featuring a merely boring James Deen, a sad Lindsay Lohan who shows traces of un-sad potential, and nothing else. I wanted to leave this movie with something resembling a semi-shocking Less Than Zero vibe, but I mostly left the theater forgetting I’d watched it at all.
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