Caitlyn Jenner is currently facing two lawsuits (with a third one coming) for her role in the car crash that killed a woman on PCH and she’s also waiting to see if she’ll be charged for manslaughter or not. If I was her crisis manager (Note: She’d be FUCKED if I was her crisis manager), I’d tell her that if she’s doing an interview and the crash comes up, just say, “I can’t talk about it, my thoughts are with the family of the victim, I can’t talk about it, my thoughts are with the family of the victim,” over and over again. But she didn’t really do that during a 2-part interview with Matt Lauer for Today.
The smug Whoopee cushion full of sharts traveled to Woodland Hills, CA to interview Caitlyn on a golf course and the first part aired this morning. Caitlyn hasn’t really talked about the car crash on PCH until Matt Lauer brought it up. Caitlyn says that she doesn’t remember a lot about the accident, but she does remember that she was driving under the speed limit. Investigators already said that Caitlyn was technically driving under the speed limit, but they feel like she was driving too fast for the road conditions that day. Caitlyn also says that if the planet turns upside down for some reason and she’s actually charged, convicted and has to go to jail, she’s afraid she’ll be locked up with the men.
On not really remembering much about the accident: “I remember it happening. That’s about it. A tragedy like this, you’ll never get over it. You just learn to live with it the best you possibly can.”On the possibility of going to jail: “The media wants that picture, don’t they? That is the worst case scenario. I don’t know. We’ll see. The men’s county jail. It is an enormous problem that they would put trans-women in a men’s county jail.”
The good news for Caitlyn is that she doesn’t really have to worry about that shit. The next time she worries about going to prison, she should just glance at the balance on her bank account and look at her last name on her drivers license before breathing out forty five clouds of relief. She’s a rich famous woman in L.A. She’s not going to prison. Besides, if a judge in L.A. actually sentences her to jail, it would be impossible for her to serve that sentence since there won’t be any jailhouses to send her too. As soon as the judge sentenced Caitlyn, a rich famous Californian woman, to jail, every building would collapse and it’d be the start of the Apocalypse.
In other Caitlyn news, she was on the season premiere episode of Ellen and the topic of same-sex marriage was brought up. Caitlyn is a conservative Republican and says that she used to be one hundred percent against same-sex marriage, but over the years, she’s learned to be okay with it. It felt like one of those “I’m still not for that shit but I have to say I’m for it” things. Ellen DeGeneres was on Howard Stern’s show yesterday and she spilled it. If Ellen is reading Caitlyn right, she may be secretly wearing an #ImWithKim pin (and I’m not talking about Kim Carnes) under her clothes. Ellen thinks that Caitlyn totally isn’t for gay marriage, which is weird since she wants everyone to accept and understand her. Spill it, Ellen!
There was an episode of I Am Cait where Caitlyn goes to a Pride event in NYC and when she walked in, everybody cheered, screamed her name, took pictures and acted like she was Gina Gershon in her Cristal Connors costume. But well, if I Am Cait shoots at another Pride event in the future, the producers better hire some extras to look excited about her presence, because as soon she walks in, everybody will look at her like, “I don’t know her,” before taking another long sip of their drink
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