DEAR BUTT

By David Mills
Paul from Montreal, Canada writes…

27 March 2013

Dear BUTT,

I have this problem where it feels too intimate for me to put my penis into another person’s body. I can only do it with, one might say, those that I ‘love’.

Consequently, I am a 30-year-old man who has only had butt sex twice, and admittedly, I am a little lost when I get down there.

Could you please give me some tips on how to please a bottom? I just want to please my partner in a loving and gentle way without using my penis.

Thank you,

Paul

27 March 2013

Dear Paul,

You are a king among men! A considerate top is hard to find (take note bottoms of Montreal).

If you really want to please your man, ask what he likes and listen. Start with your clothes on, build rapport, and then keep the chat going when you’re naked.

If he wants some attention down there, why not make like Ellen DeGeneres and go to lunch? Devour his Jalapeño Thickburger™ like Kim Kardashian at Carl’s Jr. Once you’ve got him begging for more, go on a two-fingered treasure hunt where X marks his prostate. Or just slide your cock between his cheeks without entering, you know, like you and your cousin did as kids. You can always deploy a dildo to take him over the edge.

Seeing him so turned on, you might just fall in love long enough to fuck his brains out.

Take the plunge,

David