DEAR BUTT

By David Mills
Pablo in San Francisco, California writes…

 30 January 2013

Dear BUTT,

I don’t cum during sex and I hate it.

I can cum alone, but I try not to masturbate so it builds up and hopefully shoots out when I’m having sex. My boyfriend and I have sex almost every day and I never cum. It’s been like this my whole life.

I don’t relax during sex, bottoming or topping. I’m easily distracted. Not to mention the pressure of needing to cum… Not cumming makes sex ‘anxious making’ (as my Jewish grandmother says) which in turn thwarts my cumming.

It’s a vicious cycle.  What do you recommend?

Pablo

30 January 2013

Dear Pablo,

It’s not a good sign that you’re Jewish grandmother makes a cameo in your description of your condition.

I can’t help but wonder if her appearance isn’t somehow a clue to what’s keeping you from cumming. Like during sex you’re getting totally turned on, oh-so-close, ready to explode all over your boyfriend’s smiling face, when suddenly your Jewish grandmother pops into your head.

Whatever it is that’s keeping you from cumming, you’re going to have to let it go. Next time you’re on the edge of glory and that voice returns just gently remind yourself to let it go.

Of course technique is important as well and that’s where your boyfriend comes in. Maybe you’d like him to tweak your nipples or fart in your face. If you want mind-blowing orgasms you’ve got to face up to what turns you on and demand it — even if it’s weird. Have you been totally honest and told him what turns you on? It’s his job to help.

There are also benefits to prolonging orgasm. Marathon jackhammer fuck sessions anyone? Sting swears by ‘tantric sex’ and hasn’t cum since the early ’80s — but whatever you do, don’t think about Sting during sex or you’ll never cum.

Sweet (wet) dreams,
David