12 sincere pieces of advice older Wicked readers offered a younger reader

From: Wicked Gay

 As I think back on the some of the past posts here on Wicked that garnered the most heartfelt comments, a post entitled "What advice would you give a 20 year old gay guy who is just coming out of the closet?" sticks out among the best of the best.

Not only did 89 of you comment, most of those comments were pretty on point, sincere, and fabulous!

We would like to share twelve of our favorite responses, in no particular order.

12. 
Always always always remember you are a good and worthy person, and be proud of owning your truth. Be honest with everyone and good people will respect you. The ones who don't won't matter.


 11. 
You will lead a beautiful and amazing life without certain family members if they cannot accept who you are.

You will be surrounded by incredible friends who know and accept you for exactly who you are.

You will meet someone who will complete you, and in that moment you will realize just how small and ridiculous and sad and insignificant the haters are.


10.
Come out when the time feels right. You'll know. It's a process we all go through. Take your time and use it as an opportunity to get to know your real self. Feel those emotions you've been suppressing all these years. You'll end up a happier person and in the end you'll learn that its a lot easier and less scary then imagined. Have fun and be safe ;)

9. 
Make and keep good, true friends. Men and women. The kind you can call at three in the morning to come bail you out of jail...because they know you'd be there for them.

8. 
Don't write off your family if their first reaction isn't perfect. Everyone is entitled to a second chance.


7. 
I came out at 20-years-old myself, and have been in those shoes. I'm 23 now.

Advice I would give is to never feel inferior or intimidated by the gays who've been out longer than yourself. Many of the gay men I know made the decision to come out in high school, and have already experienced naivety, heartbreak, passion, and ample amounts of sex. You are just coming out and have yet to experience all of that as an openly gay man. Do not let judgement from other gays affect you because you're at this early stage in your "gay" timeline. They were there once too.

Do not be fooled into thinking that you're dating pool will flood automatically because you have come out. While others are wildly successful at attracting men, it may simply not be that way for you. Be who you are, and share yourself comfortably with others and THEN you will attract men, not just for sex, but to have a meaningful relationship with.

On a closing note...always, always make an effort to work out. You do not have to have the body of a ripped, Greek God to attract someone, but you will have greater self esteem and be comfortable with your body in the sometimes brutal world of the gays.


6. 
Don't take advice from the internet. Wait...

5. 
The important thing to remember is that it gets better because you get better, not because of changes in the world around you: you are stronger than you know.


 4. 
Make friends in the gay community who are older than you. Having a group of peer friends is awesome, but when I came out at 22, I also ended up being friends with an older couple who sort of became my gay "parents".

• They were always nice to my (many) boyfriends. 
• They taught me to have lots of fun, but keep things in perspective. 
• They helped me pick colors for the new apartment. When I wrecked a car, they had one I could borrow for a couple of days. 
• When I was heartbroken (often), I could cry on their shoulder. When I needed a lawyer (that's another story) they knew a good one. 
• If I needed flatware or a piece of furniture, they always seemed to be getting rid of something that I might be able to use. 
• One taught me how to cook, the other taught me how to make reservations. 
• They weren't wealthy, but they loved me unconditionally and kept an eye out for me. 
• They taught me how to be a good gay man. I'm still friends with them today, 30 years later.

3.

Once you've accepted yourself for who you are, the rest of your life belongs to nobody but you. Don't try to fit any mold of who others think you should be. Be yourself and do what is right for you. Life isn't always 100 percent perfect... but if you are happy with yourself, you will surround yourself with people you need. Give yourself permission to be human and make human mistakes. Forgive yourself and move forward.

2.

Try not to confuse sex and love. They are separate entities. Be safe. Wear condoms. Walk away from drama queens and toxic gays.

1. 

Remember to say these 4 phrases as often as possible: I love you, I am sorry, I forgive you, please forgive me. AND MEAN IT!