And as you can see, some of the world’s most famous sluts follow the tradition annually…
Taking those wise words to heart, I rocked out as an (un)original slutty school boy – with face painted of course. There was potential to meet a hottie I’d been talking to later on that night… So after eight or nine pills, when I was well and truly tripping off the wallpaper and dribbling down my own top – I sashayed into his hotel.
In the hotel room, smaller than a tampon, we prepped for it and while still dressed as a dead school boy, I was slightly worried that of all the eligible men I’d pulled the only pedo-necrophiliac? But obviously went ahead with it anyway. And I was so dehydrated anyway I couldn’t even pout, let alone perform a Jenna Jaimeson oral spectacular.
The polite, “Sorry…” as I reached over for my bottled water every two seconds, wasn’t exactly smooth moves. And after what seemed like an eternity of fellatio drier than a sultan’s flip-flop, I lay non successfully sleeping, STILL tripping off the wallpaper… and now with the shakes.
MEANWHILE…
This Halloween: Halloween was once about who can be the sexiest, while still in costume, now it seems the competition is between the goriness. Well, what I wore at one point this weekend, was definitely the most gruesome…
Sometimes it turns out that sexuality isn’t always so STRAIGHT-forward. A “straight” guy, with a girlfriend, that’d never been with a boy before, wanting to fulfill a very non-straight fantasy. “GAWWJUS” – Little Britain. But before we even tried, after slipping a cheeky finger in (it was Halloween), I found something that WAS DEFINITELY NOT a treat sloshed over my finger! I knew it was too good to be true, so with an overwhelming new scent in the room, it flopped (well we both did). Needless to say I’ll never look at a chocolate finger in the same way again…
To be fair, I did state in The Fall Line (2011)that straight guys wanting man-action on the side, were so out. So it only serves right that I should get the shit end of the stick, for not listening to my own advice!
“WHATTA LOAD OF OL’ SHIT!”
– Nan, Little Britain
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