Not even a dildo on the field can stop the Patriots this season

At the halfway point of the NFL, it’s New England and everybody else.
From: OutSports

Rob Gronkowski scored his 69th career TD for the Patriots.
Photo by Tom Szczerbowski/Getty Images

We’ve reached the halfway point of a mediocre NFL season and it’s clear that the Patriots are far and away the choice to reach the Super Bowl from the AFC. It’s a gap that becomes more obvious each week.

New England avenged its only loss of the season, routing the Bills in Buffalo, 41-25. The Bills beat the Patriots, 16-0, in Week 4, but that was with the Patriots starting their third-string quarterback. Tom Brady is now back and he lit up he Bills for four touchdown passes. In his four games back, Brady has led the Pats to wins by 20, 18, 11 and 16 points.

Not even a dildo thrown from the stands during a New England possession could stop the Patriots.

Dildo launch from @hub_nation 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/nfL4tI9UVG

— Dillon Hayes (@Dillon_Hayes) October 30, 2016

As you can see, the referee wasn’t going anywhere near that thing with his hands, and decided to play cock soccer to remove it. Patriots running back LeGarrette Blount totally understood, though Brady at first thought a penalty flag was thrown.

"I said, 'No, that’s a dildo!' " Blount related. "They got that thing kicked off the field quick. Nobody was touching that. You don’t know where that’s been.”

Me writing about a dildo on the field is indicative of how boring the first half of the NFL season has been so far. The Patriots look excellent but everyone else looks like roughly the same team, with very little separation. In the AFC, for example, nine of the 16 teams have a negative point differential, and it’s the same ratio in the NFC. New England’s +85 point differential is 27 points better than Denver, the second-biggest spread in the AFC.

Peyton Manning retiring means one less superstar in the NFL and absent Marshawn Lynch, the Seahawks are less compelling. Let’s hope the second half picks up. Right now, it’s hard to see anyone in the league staying with 10 points of the Patriots. The wild card, obviously, is injuries. BTW, Rob Gronkowski scored his career 69th touchdown and he has loved making 69 jokes leading up to it; he will take a back seat to no gay man in his love of 69.

The rest of the season sees the Patriots playing only two games against teams that currently have a winning record – Seattle and Denver. It will take more than a dildo to stop them the way they are playing.