I remember the first time I realized what ‘true love’ really meant. Not older than perhaps ten, but I walked quietly down the hall at my grandparents’ house not wanting to wake anyone. I passed my grandfather’s room, and it was empty. They no longer slept in the same room—not for many years. I passed the bathroom and peeked into my grandmother’s room where I heard a quiet conversation. My grandmother and grandfather were sitting in her bed together, drinking their morning coffee, and talking. Just talking. There wasn’t anything particularly extraordinary about the scene…except for one thing. They were in love. The same love they shared for over 60 years. A love that was blind, had survived insurmountable obstacles and was here, in the aftermath, as strong as it had been since day one.
When I met Michael and Shay for the first time, they ‘looked’ like any other couple. It was easy to see that they had that same enduring love that I had witnessed as a child. Granted, they did not have the simple luxury of dealing with “normal couple” struggles. No. They had overcome those struggles as well as struggles only the strongest couples survive.
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| Shay and Michael |
Michael was physically born a woman; however, Michael is a man. We know the story—politically. We know the laws. We know the media’s opinion. The majority of us know these things, not from personal interaction, but from conclusions we made without education. Michael’s transition had been deemed so medically necessary that his insurance company (financially) assisted with the transition. When he looked in the mirror and saw a woman’s body, he was physically and emotionally disgusted. This was not the body he was supposed to inhabit. He was broken—physically and emotionally. How could anyone love someone who could not even consider loving themselves? The pain I could see in Shay’s eyes as Michael so openly discussed his shame was almost more to bear than the anguish in Michael’s own eyes.
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| photo by Steven Tilotta of Tilotta Images |
Shay had seen Michael’s profile on a website. She felt his pain as her own. She reached out. Newly public as a lesbian, Shay was struck by Michael’s courage during his transition. He was not the first person in transition she had ever met, but something about his profile led her to contact him. ‘There was just something about him I could not get out of my mind.’ She was sure she would not hear back from him. She was wrong. ‘There was just something about her I could not get out of my mind.’ Michael felt that same connection. After hearing Shay’s detailed account of their history, I was interested in hearing Michael’s version of the story. As if they were reading from the same script, Michael recounted almost verbatim, the same story I had heard from Shay. Another couple added to a short list of ‘true loves.’
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| photo by Steven Tilotta of Tilotta Images |
Michael has shared various aspects of his story numerous times via a multitude of media applications, and when Houston’s HERO bathroom debate continued to divide society, he took a stand. Shay stood with him. Michael posted a few photos of himself in a women’s restroom begging the question, ‘where do I belong?’ #wejustneedtopee became an instantly-viral phenomenon. Granted, there were a few non-supporters and perhaps a death threat or two. It is difficult to even imagine these problems still occur in such a progressive society, but there will always be those who judge without knowing individual. There are those who will look at Michael and Shay and judge them based on what they see on the outside and not even consider the true value of the individuals they see before them.
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| photo by Steven Tilotta of Tilotta Images |
We are truly a label-based society. Labels make us feel like we are not alone. It connects us; however, it isn’t the label that connects us. It’s the love. Love like what is shared with Michael and Shay. Gay. Straight. Bear. Pup. Sister. Queen. Dom. Sub. Queer. Trans. Whatever your particular label, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to be loved like that.
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| photo by Steven Tilotta of Tilotta Images |
Michael is undoubtedly courageous; however, he does credit his success and happiness to his wife. She, equally credits her happiness and success to him. We are taught early that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and we nod and shrug in passive agreement, not truly believing we are worthy of that kind of love. Shay looks at her husband as any person in love would. She does not see the pain he feels inside. She does not see a gender. She sees the person who loves her. She sees the person who loves her children as his own. She sees the person who has climbed to the top of the tallest tower to rescue his love. Michael sees Shay as the person who rescued him.
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| photo by Steven Tilotta of Tilotta Images |
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| photo by Steven Tilotta of Tilotta Images |
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