Many people in the northern states of the U.S. are afraid of the South, that vast territory that extends from Washington DC, 1200 miles to Miami Beach, and west 1000 miles to Kansas City. It's full of screaming homophobes, racists, Confederate wannabes, guys wearing overalls and feed store caps who drive pick-up trucks down dusty roads yelling "Git 'er done!"
It has all of that, but it also has top research universities, a world renowned opera company, three gay meccas (Atlanta, Fort Lauderdale, Miami), some gay-friendly resorts, the best Chinese food I've ever had, and lots of beefcake.
It's hot, so guys take their shirts off a lot.
Here are the top 10 public penises of the South:
1.
The capital of Missouri isn't Kansas City or St. Louis, but Boomererson City, population 40,000. Its manageable size makes sightseeing easier. Look for this beautiful neoclassical Mercury outside the State Capitol.
2.
This African-American boy is too young to be proper beefcake, but he's certainly an unexpected find, sitting shirtless at the George Washington Carver National Monument in Diamond, Missouri, near Joplin.
3.
I've been to Kentucky several times to visit my mother's kinfolk, but I didn't know that there was a 30-foot tall fiberglass replica of Michelangelo's David, penis and all, in downtown Louisville (on the corner of Main and 7th). Of course, it has some residents in an uproar, yelling "Think of the children!"
4.
Speaking of uproars, right in the heart of downtown Nashville, Tennessee, on Music Row (Division and 16th Avenue North), traffic stops as drivers gawk at Musica, a group of nine 10-foot tall naked men and women holding the Goddess of Music aloft. They're not usually carrying guitars.
It wasn't there when I spent a semester in Nashville; it was unveiled in 2003, the controversial work of sculptor Alan LeQuire.
5.
The War Memorial Auditorium, across from the State Capitol, features this hunky slab of marble holding a sword and a goddess, his penis coyly covered.
6.
Memphis, Tennessee is named after the ancient Egyptian city, so there's a 25-foot fiberglass replica of the famous statue of Ramses II on the campus of the University of Memphis (on Central Avenue).
I stopped in Oxford, Mississippi in 1984, on my way to Hell-fer-Sartain State University. No good public art, but a lot of cruising.
7.
Birmingham is an island of (relative) sophistication in the heart of red-state Alabama. It has an opera company, a nice used bookstore, and a very good Chinese restaurant, Mr. Chen's. Also this 56-foot tall statue of Vulcan, the smith of the gods, to symbolize the city's iron-mine origins (in the Vulcan Park, on Red Mountain). He's got a semi-bare chest and a bare butt.
8.
If you have any particular reason to go to Lafayette, Alabama, about 20 miles from Auburn, look for this life-sized statue of boxer Joe Louis outside the Chambers County Museum.
9.
The Seafarer Memorial in Mobile, Alabama
10.
New Orleans, Louisiana really deserves a separate entry, but just to whet your appetite, check out these naked men in the City Park
I only made it as far as New Orleans. The whole Southeast, is left, from Virginia to Georgia to the Carolinas to Florida.
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