“I’m A Straight Guy Who Attended A Gay Party And Think I May Have Been Raped”

From: The Gaily Grind

After a night of heavy drinking and taking some E, a Reddit user who identifies as a straight male, shared a sobering story about his recent experience at a party where he thinks he may have been taken advantage of by some men.

Redthrowaway96 shared his story in a post titled, “Straight Guy & Questionable Experience at a Gay Party (Rape?)” which brings up the important question of whether he was in any condition to give his consent to have sex. He writes:

I went to a party this weekend with two friends that turned out to be pretty gay (the party, not the friends – my female friends left early). There was a mixed crowd including some hot straight girls, but as the night wore on, it became clear it was mostly gay men staying on. I took some E with my friend earlier in the night, but it didn’t really seem to kick in. My friend introduced me to the host and I made arrangements to crash in his roommate’s loft so I could drink a bit more. I’m pretty open-minded, so being around the gay guys didn’t bother me. The host and his friends were really nice and seemed like they knew how to party. I was actually having a great time and getting really hammered. I remember several guys bringing me drinks and smoking some pot while naked in the hot tub. Everything after the hot tub is a blur. I don’t generally black-out drink (I always remember when drunk), so I am thinking maybe someone spiked my drink with something or I just had too many different things in my system.

Anyway, I remember some guy saying that after that night I wouldn’t be able to call myself straight anymore. I was kind of pissed off at him for saying that and confronted him. He mentioned that he saw me giving someone a BJ in the bathroom and to chill the fuck out. I kind of panicked at hearing that and went back to the bedroom I would be staying in to lay down. I remember coming to with several guys in bed with me and naked. As far as I can tell, they were all just talking with each other or about me.

I have another memory of two guys fighting (I think one actually threw a punch). I seem to remember one guy was telling the other that he should leave me alone and that I was too wasted to fuck. The guy standing up for me (?) wasn’t around when I came to later that night, but I distinctly remember the other guy doing something to my ass. I’m honestly not sure if he fucked me, but something definitely happened. I recall liking how it felt, but that might have been the E talking.

I woke up the next day nude with the mother of all headaches. My female friends came back to pick my sorry ass up and I told them about what happened. They completely lost their shit and are saying I was raped. They are really on me to go to the cops or therapy or some shit. I feel like saying I was raped is taking it a bit too far. From what I (barely) remember, at least some of the activities were enjoyable. I honestly do not remember if I gave consent or not. It’s tripping me out that I would have given a guy a BJ without remembering, but when I think about it I’m not as mad as I feel like I should be. The girls were majorly tripping over me mentioning something with my ass and want me to get a rape kit. 1) I’ve already showered 2) I have at least a brief memory of liking what happened 3) I very well may have said yes to that guy 4) there was a big fucking bowl of condoms at that party and the guys were pretty upfront about grabbing handfuls of the fuckers. I don’t feel like they would have done something to me without protection (I hope?).

Anyway- questions. Do you think (based on my shitty memory) that I should worry about whether I was raped? I don’t feel violated at all. I’m really freaking out more about the fact that I had at least some gay sex and liked it. Do you think I should try to get a hold of anyone from the party to ask them what happened? I’m not even sure I would trust their memories since everyone was pretty wasted. Do you think I should try to find that one guy and confront him about what happened?

Many concerned Reddit users advised the original poster to get a Post-Exposure Prophylaxis regimen (PEP) to prevent HIV contraction: “Immediately go to a health clinic and get PEP. You DO NOT know if someone fucked you without a condom. The only way to be safe is if you get on PEP within 72 hours. Don’t just HOPE, make sure you’re OK. Seriously. Taking PEP for a month might not be necessary but assuming nothing happened then all of a sudden being diagnosed with HIV is not fun. Please go get on PEP.”

Some commenters debated whether the original poster was raped or whether he gave consent and was just unable to remember. Many however acknowledged that someone under the influence of drugs cannot give consent, while others pointed out that his potential sexual partner(s) may have also been under the influence.

The original poster provided this update:

OK, so I was able to start on that medication. It turned out to be more than just one drug, but they gave me a package. It was a bit of a clusterfuck since the place I went didn’t have it and the place I went after that didn’t get any info from the first place. I had assumed they gave them the info of what I was looking for (which I kind of half-assed from the internet and you guys). I ended up having to retell the guy there and it was pretty damn embarrassing (the first place I was able to explain by phone and it was a woman).

Man, I don’t think I was actually raped (although I agree it is a good idea to do the medication), but I really feel for women that have to go through this shit now. The entire experience of getting the med pack was completely fucked. I have to go back in two days and again like 2 more times (at least) for various follow-ups and STD tests.

I’m also definitely not in a place to pursue legal action or really even use the word rape outside of this forum. I remember hanging with those guys while sober and it really doesn’t jive that someone would drug and rape me. Most of the men there already seemed to have dates, and I don’t remember any of them being overly aggressive when I was sober.

 I texted my friend to get the host’s number so I can fill in some of the  blanks.