So, why am I writing these reviews? Well, for a number of reasons. I recently had a gym bag stolen, and now I need to replace a ton of stuff I had in there. Since I had to create a wish list of new items, I figured I would take the time to review a lot of these items so that other bears and chubs could share in what I've learned over years of shopping and testing out gear.
I've spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours searching for quality gear for bears and chubs. There are tons of companies out there that don't service the bear community. Take Nasty Pig for instance. I once wrote to them asking them if there was a way to order a pair of overalls in a size larger than 36" waist. The response I received indicated that I was not a part of their desired clientele. I felt like I had been hit in the face. I knew then that big guys needed to know where to get gear. And not just which places were willing to sell gear to bears and chubs, but who actually made good quality gear that also looked good.
I've bought a lot of gear from Ebay, Etsy, and other online auction sites. It's always a crap shoot. You never know if the item you get in the mail is going to be the one in the picture or not. Will it be decent workmanship or will the stitches unravel? Will it fit me the way it does in the picture, or will it roll up and look like crap? And when it isn't right, it's money down the tube. By posting my reviews, I hope to direct you toward good merchants and fantastic gear and away from garbage that I've personally experienced. Below are some examples of REALLY BAD GEAR. But we'll get to those in a moment.
This should be a collaboration. I am not posting these pics just to get my image out there. If you have bad gear--we need to know about it. Take a pic and send it to me. Tell me why it's bad. If you can, send me the bad gear. Let me take a look at it, test it out, and post some of my own findings on it too. Together, we can help other bears and chubs avoid the pitfalls of shopping in all the wrong places for the worst kind of stuff.
Likewise, if you have good gear, and you wanna suggest I review it. Send me a link to where I can get some, and I will add it to my wish list, and try to get some soon. I'll post my pics and you can send me some of you too if you like. Together, we'll share what we love about it, and maybe spread the word about the good stuff that's out there just waiting to be worn!
So, here we go. What Makes Bad Gear--101.
First up: EQUIPO. The first sign of bad gear is anything mass produced and marketed to a cheap department store. You can get these terrible things at Kohl's. They feature a sexy little twink model looking equally cheap as he wears his Equio trunks--which are often decorated with tribal or dragon designs, the likes of which are often seen on some kid's skate board. While the colors are often bold, they are rarely innovative. Seen here is one of a two pack I picked up for about ten bucks.
So bears and chubs have big legs. This is our first problem. The leg openings are very shoddily put together, and you will hear stitches popping. Also, because they are short trunks, and our legs get thinner at the top, they will try to roll up like sausage desperate to escape its tube--see where my finger is indicating.
If you can convince them to lay flat for a moment, the fabric feels nice. But it's thin and lacks much in the way of stretch. If you were blessed with a smaller butt, you can squish into them, but they will let you know that you're not welcome there as they continually struggle to creep down.
Comfort wise.... um.. no? The stitching is kind of rough and immediately starts to rub you raw right here
If you can get past all that, it's now time to get dressed. Let's wear a pair of jeans. Maybe some snug ones since we're wearing slick underwear that doesn't grip anything. BUT guess what. You pull up those snug pants, and that roll that started in the leg has now worked its way up, and your panties are now in a wad.
Overall -1 / 4 stars.
Next up, is a pair of vale tudo / mma shorts I purchased from an online auction. they were said to be hand made--and I believe it. Whoever made these had no concept of stretch. The fabric is bigger than the elastic in the legs and waist, so my belly and legs are getting squished, but my tights, ass, and pouch are loose. They also bag a little in the crotch--a known problem for bears and chubs. This leads to our first major problem. I wore them once and have never washed them. When I took them off I noticed a large hole in the crotch.
I was like--OH HELL NO! I just spent $40 on these shorts and this happened? WHAT THE ACTUAL F***. And no refunds are given. Now you can see from this view that they actually look pretty damn good on me.
But good looks aren't everything. If it's gonna just fall apart, then why the hell bother, right? And it's not like I ordered them too small. They're clearly marked XXL. That aside, the other major problem was that they were made by an amateur. You can see that the waist band is rolled up. That's because it's loose elastic in a waist tube. it's not anchored or sewn in. So it will roll and always look and feel bad.
Overall 0 / 4 stars.
Next up. Alan Rust boxer briefs. Alan, I hope you're reading this, because your gear is terrible. And you need to know it. I bought these on Amazon. I had seen other Alan Rust underwear and the look was awesome. They were hard to find, and I assumed that the difficulty I had in finding them meant that they were in demand. Perhaps I should have assumed that it meant that nobody wanted them
You ever blow your nose on that crunchy industrial facial tissue and immediately feel like you used 20 grit sandpaper? These things feel just like that. They're actually crunchy. CRUNCHY UNDERWEAR. Maybe that's because there's so much paint in them that the fabric can't relax. Not comfortable at all. And, even for someone who has a relatively small butt, as bear butts go, the little seams you can see on the outside edges of the hip which are supposed to help the underwear maintain a shapeliness actually serve to further restrict movement. Do a squat in these, and they're down exposing your crack. And you have the added sensation of a rough rope stretched across your butt. These have absolutely got to be the least comfortable things I have ever put on in my life.
TWO THUMBS DOWN!!
Overall -1 / 4 stars
So there you have it, guys and bears. A crash course in what makes some gear just plain ... bad. Total waste of money including shipping on the items above? $89... Had I known then what I know now.... I could have purchased two pairs of tights, or four pair of better underwear. But we live and learn. Thank you so much for reading. Please feel free to add your own comments and feedback. I would love to hear from you!
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