From: Manhunt Daily
Normal, human penises are a burden best left behind in the 20th century! Everyone who’s anyone knows the future of anal sex rests in outer space, directly in the hands (or pants) of our extraterrestrial counterparts. Your hole should be prepared before the mother ship arrives, because only the most talented bottoms will be spared from extinction when our overlords take over the planet Earth and employ us as their sexual slaves.
But don’t look so discouraged about your inferior anal skills! ESMale has a wide variety of dildos that simulate the remarkable sensations of intergalactic love-making. Before you know it, you’ll be able to handle the thicker, uniquely-shaped cocks of our alien captors and experience orgasms so sensational that you’ll be seeing stars for the next week.
For those of you who don’t know where to start, I’ve explored the pages of ESMale to locate five toys that resemble the alien dicks I encountered during my sexual escapades across the universe. Most likely, you’ll want to pick up some lube and aromas while you’re on the site, because we can’t all have an anus as mighty and powerful as yours truly!
However, with a little time and practice, you too will be able to handle ten Durflackian tentacles exploring your insides at once… And don’t even get me started on the Schmillasions from the little known planet Rah-Kyogota! They shoot such voluminous loads that I can still feel some of their seminal fluids inside of me as I type this sentence. I’m so turned on thinking about the way they dominated me that even I might try one of these earth-made replicas!
Don’t delay any longer! Buy one of these dildos and learn to love it right away:
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Once upon a time, the limbo asked you how low you could go. Now, you can apply the important life skills you learned through the classic party game, as you drop your ass down onto your new alien boyfriend’s eleven-inch dick! Even a beginner could handle “just the tip”, but as you slide down, his shaft expands to a girth of approximately 10-11 inches.
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