58.
NICK LACHEY
To repent for his sins of awkward banter on The Sing-Off, former boy band hunk Nick Lachey sang a song about my favorite subject in the entire universe—Wendy’s Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger. It was basically a love song to my dick, because there are few things I love more than pretzels, bacon, cheeseburgers and food items that bring all three of those things together in perfect harmony.
I’m jealous of Jessica Simpson’s Dad. According to his ex-son-in-law Nick Lachey, whenever Nick went to sit down at Joe Simpson’s house, Joe’s hand was ready and waiting. Hot! Who needs a chair when you can just sit on Papa Joe’s hand? And maybe get finger-banged? I’d love if Nick Lachey sat on my hand. And my face. And my cock. He’s big, dumb, and hot. With large, juicy pecs. Nick revealed this hot little tidbit on Watch What Happens…Live with that sexy Andy Cohen. Andy Cohen can sit on any of my body parts, too. Check the vid below for Nick confirming Joe Simpson’s homosexuality.
By the way, this item is kind of ironic. We can’t actually go INTO it, but we have it on pretty good authority that Nick isn’t a stranger to a hairy knuckle in his butt. And Jessica and his current wife’s knuckles would presumably be hair-free. Just sayin’.
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