Guys, this is the Guess His Dick column to end all Guess His Dick columns. Before reading on, I recommend you have your inhaler nearby, that you've taken all of your heart attack medication, and that you have the paramedics on speed dial. If you've got high blood pressure, don't even bother. This guy might actually kill you, and I can't be responsible for any more deaths than I already am (my hit-and-run number is getting dangerously high).
I really hope this guy is both a complete idiot and an insufferable asshole, because otherwise the rest of us might as well just pack it in and head home. Perfection achieved. What do you guys think he's packing?
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