ANDREW FROM ONTARIO
Photography by Drasko Bogdanovic
Interview by Zac Bayly
29-year-old Andrew is from Richmond Hill in Ontario, Canada, which is about thirty minutes north of her more popular sister city, Toronto. Andrew has cerebral palsy, by the way, so naturally he’s concerned about accessibility for disabled gay guys, and how gays with disabilities are portrayed — or are completely absent — in fagmags and porn. I Skyped him to talk about men in chairs and, forward guy that Andrew is, he ended up sending pictures of his dick. It’s rather thick, and fully functional.
Zac: What are you up to today?
Andrew: I just got up. I’m working on my thesis, actually. I’m finishing a masters of legal studies, right now, and I’m looking at disability and law. I’m looking at how attitudes affect law making. So, I’m looking at accessibility and stuff like that. It was interesting when I started, but now, three years down the line, I’m ready to be done with it!
What have you found, as you've researched?
What I’m seeing is that there is a lot of fear around people with disabilities. People are afraid to ask questions for fear of upsetting someone. A lot of that fear is very prevalent in the gay community. As a gay man in a wheelchair, I don’t fit the bodily ideal of the gay man. No one does, honestly, but I especially don’t, because I’m not walking. If you looked at me, you’d assume that I wasn't sexual, because I’m in a chair.
Do you still live with your parents?
Oh no… I've lived alone for ten to twelve years. As soon as I had the chance, I was like, ‘Bye!’ I’m a very independent person and I like to do things alone, although there are physical things that I need help with day-to-day. I always craved living alone, even when I was younger.
What’s going on in Richmond Hill?
I’m an hour north of Toronto, but a lot of the gay scene there is not accessible to me. I could go downtown, but the chances of me getting into one of the clubs aren't good. Most of my interactions with gay men have been online, which is not what I want, but it’s easier to for me to access men that way.
Are you sexually active?
I had a lot of sex during my early twenties. I was kind of a whore… I've had a lot of one-night stands, but nothing long-term. I want to be in a relationship. I've had guys say to me, ‘I can’t date you because of your chair.’ They have no frame of reference for the situation.
You mean they don’t know where to start?
Yeah. Men are visual, so for them to understand something, they need to see it. People assume that my body doesn't work, and they don’t know how to approach me. Like, how are you going to bring up sex with potential partners? There are only certain things you can physically do. How do you talk about that? How can a person in a chair be sexually appealing if people are afraid to ask questions about them?
I know that cerebral palsy affects different people in different ways. How does it affect you, personally, physically?
I can’t walk. Cognitively, I’m okay. I need help getting up, getting dressed, getting into my chair, toileting — all that stuff. That’s been the case since I was a kid, so all of it is second-nature to me. But I don’t want to ask my carers for help when I’m going to have sex with someone, because that would be really awkward! I don’t want to have to call them and be like, ‘Hey! I’m about to fuck some random guy. Would you come and set me up?’ I put a lot of trust in the person I’m hooking up with, because they’re going to be helping me get undressed and all that stuff.
Are you a top or a bottom?
I have never bottomed, because the muscles in my body are so tight that I don’t think it would be possible. I would try it, if I met someone that I really cared about, and we both felt we wanted to explore that.
Do you have enough coordination to masturbate?
I do, but not in the typical way. I can’t really do the pumping action, so I use my thumb to stimulate the head of the penis. Have you watched that movie, The Sessions?
With Helen Hunt as a sex surrogate? No, but I want to!
You should. I thought it was very well done. A sexual surrogate would be really cool, but the thing is, most people with disabilities can’t afford to pay.
What were your teen years like?
I came out to my family when I was fifteen. I had this dumb fantasy that if I came out to my family in high school, the sports jock would fall in love with me and we’d be happy together. Of course, that didn't happen! So I came out just before my sixteenth birthday, and my mum immediately went out and bought a copy of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and told me that this is what my life would be like! She was a little bit too positive… She was like, ‘Yay! You can be a drag queen if you want to!’
Have you looked at any porn with disabled guys?
Yeah, but it’s mostly fetish porn, which is not cool. I had a guy making out with me once, and he was like, ‘Oh my god, your wheelchair is so hot!’ And I was like, ‘Okay, you've got to go home now…’ I said to him, ‘You’re not having sex with my chair, you’re having sex with me!’ I personally have a big issue with fetishizing my disability. It’s degrading…
Would you ever do porn?
I do think there needs to be someone who acts as a sexual role model for disabled people, but would I do it personally? That’s a tough one. It’s like, ‘Why can’t we have a porn actor in a chair?’ If you’re some eighteen-year-old kid, who’s just realizing that he’s gay, and also just happens to be in a chair, then there’s a whole other bunch of stuff to worry about that nobody’s talking about.
I can top somebody, but they have to ride me. I can give a blowjob if they move to this end of the bed, you know? But basically, when I’m on my back, I’m in what I like to call ‘The Dead Turtle Position’. I can’t move too much. The person that I’m with has to do the moving around for me. I can’t do any porn positions…
What’s the best sexual experience that you've had? The most fun…
The nicest guy that I've slept with was visiting from London on exchange. I loved his accent. He came over, we hung out, and then we had sex. At one point, he got up to go to the bathroom — naked — in my dorm’s common area. So I’m lying on the bed, in The Dead Turtle Position, and he swings the door shut — it locks and he’s left standing in the common room, completely naked! I tell him to see my neighbor, a friend of mine, to get a key, but his roommate opens the door, sees this naked guy in the common room, and calls security! We laughed about it… I like it when I sleep with a guy and it’s fun. Sex should be hilarious.
What kind of guys turn you on?
Confident guys. I used to have a huge crush on John Stamos. He never ages! He’s like fifty now and he hasn't changed a bit. I like a guy with a sense of humor, too. I make fun of myself all the time… I like to call myself ‘Hitler’s Trifecta’ because I’m gay, disabled and Jewish!
Have you ever dated a disabled guy?
Yeah, but he dumped me because I was ‘too disabled’… I was like, ‘Whaaat?’ I would prefer a guy who was more able than me, just because it would make life a lot easier, especially in the bedroom. But, that doesn't mean I’m against the idea of dating a disabled guy — of course I’m not!
One last question: can you describe your penis in detail?
It’s thick. I don’t know how long it is because I've never measured it. Like, how the hell am I supposed to do that? I wouldn't want to be like, ‘Excuse me sexual partner, will you measure me?’ That would be weird. I've been told it’s roughly eight inches. I don’t shave down there. I’m cut, obviously… I wouldn't say my balls are low-hanging. They don’t have that ‘too much skin’ thing. They’re nicely proportioned.
It sounds like you have a nice penis.
I’m not shy. I like talking about this stuff. I’m sending a picture of my penis now…
It’s a really good penis. Good for you…
Thanks!
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