8.
Howard Cosell is everything.
He is articulate, he is invested, he knows the names of even the lowest-rung star of Finder of Lost Loves and Hawaiian Heat. Howard Cosell was the rare sportscaster to imbue everything — even this — with genuine pathos. He has an enviable command of the English language, an intimate knowledge of the Kayak Relay, and he speaks in all caps: “MAUD ADAMS, POISED IN THE CENTER OF THE BOAT, WHICH GIVES HER A SPECIAL FORWARD THRUST.” “GABE KAPLAN IS HAVING ALL KINDS OF TROUBLE. HE’S WEARING JIM SIKKING’S SHIRT BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO SAVE HIM.” “LOOK AT LAMAS: A BEAUTIFULLY BUILT YOUNG MAN AND A FINE ATHLETE.” Today’s sportscasters would make it absolutely clear that their tongues were in their cheeks, lest we doubt for a moment that they’re above such shenanigans. Howard Cosell doesn’t care. Give him unlimited Harvey’s Bristol Cream and proximity to Erin Gray in a one-piece and he’s good to go.
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