French Fry Shapes, Ranked

From:  Deadspin

Why do unseasoned fries even exist? Has anyone in the history of the world ever selected regular fries over seasoned fries when given the chance?

Children. Children are the reason that regular fries remain an option on the average takeout menu. I took my kid to Five Guys once and the cajun seasoning nearly made him tear his own eyes out in rage. WHY IS THIS HERE? WHAT KIND OF TREACHERY HAVE YOU DRAWN ME INTO?! Hell, he was pissed the fries still had SKIN on them. He also removed a great number of fries that he deemed to be too crunchy. By the time he had gone through the whole bag, he had found about six fries that suited him. Kids are fucking insane.

Without any kids around to ruin the meal, I always take the seasoned fries over the regular ones. At joints like Popeye's, they don't even bother telling you the fries are seasoned because they know the fries are awesome and you're an asshole if you don't like them. I get VERY excited, unreasonably so, when I order fries and I discover that they've included some kind of bonus seasoning and/or shape. Whoa hey, these are zesty waffle fries! BRING ME ALL OF THE KETCHUPS.

With that in mind, let's go ahead and rank all fry shapes right now, just to start a fight in the comments:

1. Standard

2. Curly

3. Waffle

4. Shoestrings

5. Crinkle cut

6. Tater Tot

7. Steak fries

8. Potato wedges

I usually want as much fried surface area as possible. The inside of a potato wedge is basically a baked potato with nothing on it. Seems like a waste.